For today's post, I thought it might be fun to write five random facts about me.  Here goes:

  1. I can pop my nose.  No, not like when people cup both hands over their nose and use their thumbnails to click the backs of their teeth.  Like, really, seriously pop my nose.  I think it's amusing and it creeps people the hell out.
  2. I've never seen The Princess Bride.  I don't want to see it.  It doesn't bother me that I haven't seen it.  And when people find this out and shout, "You haven't seen The Princess Bride?!" like it's some shortfall in my 80s credentials, I just tell them that I always thought it looked stupid.  It usually gets people to huff and walk off, which makes me laugh.
  3. I've never seen The Goonies.  I don't want to see it.  It doesn't bother me that I haven't seen it.  And judging from some conversations I've heard others have about it, it's a movie that's way more entertaining when you're twelve than an adult, and it's kind of sexist and racist.  No thanks.
  4. I've never been drunk.  Anyone who knows me in real life is probably not a bit surprised about this.
  5. I'm not a big fan of Prince.  I can appreciate that he was a brilliant and extremely accomplished writer and musician and will wholeheartedly argue that stance with anyone who says differently.  However, I've never been a huge fan of his music, and change the station when most of his songs start playing.

So what are some random facts about you?  Comment below!

 

1

Funny story:

Two or three year ago, I started getting email about meetings from people I didn't know.  Then I would get the occasional email from a college in Ontario about registering for classes or something.  I also received emails from an animal shelter in Ottowa or Toronto.

I'd usually just delete these emails, figuring that there was another Stephanie Moulton in Ontario who wasn't receiving some of her email, hopefully because someone else had entered her email incorrectly in their database (And not because she got her own email address wrong.  Or had given out a bogus address because she didn't want to give out her real email.).

I get these random emails three or four times a year and just delete them, feeling somewhat bad for this other Stephanie Moulton because she's not getting some of her emails, about half of which could be kind of important.  (Reminders about meetings?  Class work for group projects?  Yeah, kind of important.)

I haven't received too many of these emails in 2017, but they all come from places in Ontario.  So when I got an email from an esthetics salon in Ottawa a couple of weeks ago, I wasn't surprised:

Skip to last Sunday (July 16).  I hadn't been online for a few hours, so I opened my computer to check my email, and had two new emails:

My first reaction: "What's POF?"  I opened the email about registration details:

Sunday was two days before our wedding anniversary.  Jeff was sitting at the dining room table, and I had an email open about registration details for a dating site.  My first response was, "Shit!  Delete delete delete!"

Once my heart stopped racing, I thought, "I really should unsubscribe to these emails."  I opened the second email informing the other Stephanie that someone was interested in her, scrolled to the unsubscribe link at the bottom, and clicked it, hoping to unsubscribe so that this little issue was remedied.  Once at the POF site, I looked at the screen and discovered I needed a password to unsubscribe.

Crap.

At that point I thought, "I really don't want all of these POF emails coming to my inbox, how can I fix this?  (thinks about it for a few minutes) Ah!  Gmail spam filter!"  So I set up the spam filter to send all of the emails to the trash and patted myself on the back.

While I did that, about seven more emails from POF got to my inbox.  I trashed those and went about surfing Facebook.  Two hours later, my inbox was POF free.  Out of curiosity, I checked my trash to see if any more emails had been caught by the spam filter, and discovered that the other Stephanie had twenty new emails from POF.  I was really hoping that these guys writing to her were nice and not sending inappropriate pictures to her POF inbox.

Occasionally, gmail will send an important email straight to my trash, so I check my trash a couple of times a week.  I checked my trash Tuesday (July 18) afternoon:

One hundred messages.  Oh, there are more:

Another thirty eight messages.  As of 3:30 a.m. Wednesday (July 19) morning, the other Stephanie has received 138 messages from POF about guys who have contacted her.

I decided to try tracking down the other Stephanie Moulton.  Of course my first stop was Facebook, and I found one young woman with that name in Ontario.  I have yet to receive a reply.  I hope I hear from her soon.  As amusing as it is to be receiving emails from a dating site, I'd really like them to stop.

So, um, what would you do in this situation?  Comment below!  The more entertaining, the better.

 

 

 

2

After last week's heavy post about my mental health, I decided that this week I would write about something a little lighter and more fun and tell you about my three recurring nightmares and the dream that made me laugh.

The one I have most often involves toilets.  In my nightmare, I'm always trying to find a toilet because sometimes one needs to use a toilet.  For some reason, I'm always trying to find a toilet in a locker room, the size of an Amtrak lobby, that's filled with toilets.  But they're all out in the open, not in stalls.  Variation on a theme:  some of them are in stalls, but it's like three to four toilets to a stall, and the stalls aren't the cleanest.  Second variation on a theme: Many of the toilets are in stalls, but they haven't been flushed or they're out of service.  Fourth variation on a theme: I'm trying to find a place to take a shower and all the showers are out in the open.

 
The nightmare I have less frequently, but still often enough to mention, is the old "I skipped all my classes and now have to show up for the final exam" trope.  It's usually always a math or literature class, and I haven't done any of the homework.  Bonus points if the math class is taught by Pat, the man who taught precalc and discreet math my senior year of high school (shout out to all my Uni friends).

Honorable mention goes to the dreams in which someone in my family gets sick or dies or Jeff divorces me.  Fortunately, I don't have those dreams too often, as I wake up crying and then can't get back to sleep.  Huge props to my anxiety kicking in while I sleep.

And now the dream that woke me up because I was laughing in my sleep.  I forget the whole dream, but I was at my Aunt's house and for some reason brought in a dog and pony and told her it was a dog and pony show.  Honestly, it still makes me laugh.

What are some of your dreams or nightmares?  Are they as stupid as mine?

PS--you can subscribe to or follow my blog by signing up to receive emails.  I'd love to have you join the fun!

A few years ago, I saw this on another blog I read.  Here goes:

1. You have 50 dollars in your pocket--what do you do with it?
I used to be a bank teller.  I never have more than $2 in cash in my pocket.

2. What is your most guilty pleasure?
Harry Potter Fanfiction.

3. Have you ever seen someone die?
Like the moment a person actually takes that last breath?  No.

Like the hours before and after someone passes away?  Yes.

4. Are you confused as to what lies ahead of you?
All the time.

5. What was the last movie you saw, for pleasure, and would you recommend it?
Saturday night, I made a double feature of Bridget Jones's Baby and Can't Buy Me Love on Netflix.  If you like fun chick flicks, then yes, I'd rec them both.

6. Superman or Batman?
Batman. Especially Val Kilmer's Batman.

7. If the person you like does not accept you, would you continue to wait for them to change their feelings?
I've been married for far too long to even remember what this sort of thing felt like.

8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
Well, the person I not-so-secretly like is attached to me...

9. Is there anything that has made you unhappy recently?
As much as I despise even mentioning the man, Trump.  Every time I see his picture or read about something he did or said, my blood boils.

10. If you could have chosen at birth whether to be a boy or a girl, which would you be?
My answer depends on my mood. Mostly, I like being girl. But there are times when i want to be a boy.

11. Which of the 7 Deadly Sins do you think you relate to the most; why?
Pride. My high opinion of myself is my horrible downfall. (this was the other blogger's original entry, and it's good, so I'm not changing it)

12. Who would be your ultimate seven dinner guests?
C.S. Lewis, J.K. Rowling, Benedict Cumberbatch, The Doctor, Rich Mullins, my brother, and Jesus.

13. Clinton or Obama?
Obama. (Please come back, Mr. Obama...)

14. Would you rather be a really good person or a really interesting person?
I'd rather be a really good person.

15. Do you believe in some form of life after death?
Definitely.

16. Which fictional character could you most see yourself marrying?
Charlie Weasley.  George Weasley.  The Doctor.

17. Best bald Star Trek Captain - Picard or Sisko?
Picard.

18. Do you have a motto? If yes which one?
Love one another.

19. What type of friends do you have?
Well, I think they're cool.

20. What place most speaks to you?
Any road, especially an interstate, that has a lot of trees on both sides.  Better still when the road curves and as you come around the curve, the scenery opens up to trees, trees, and more trees.

 

So I can think of many things I'd love to do, though I don't have a bucket list (you know, that list of things you need to do before you die).  Maybe I should have a bucket list.  Do you have a bucket list?

But this is not that list.  This is a list of fifty things I'll never do.  Ok, I know, never is a long time.  I could change my mind on some of these items, because hey, I'm allowed to change my mind.  But since I'm not getting any younger and I seem to be set in my ways, I'm pretty confident that these are the things I'll never do.

  1. Read Twilight.
  2. Watch the Twilight movies.
  3. Get a tongue piercing.
  4. Tattoo my face.
  5. Get drunk.
  6. Eat liver.
  7. Find the fountain of youth.
  8. Run a marathon.
  9. Run a half marathon.
  10. Run circles around my back yard.
  11. Consider Sarah Palin a serious political anything.
  12. Send Rush Limbaugh fan mail.
  13. Wear anything that is mustard yellow.
  14. Camp.
  15. Bungee jump.
  16. Enjoy red wine.
  17. Enjoy most white wine.
  18. Consider Justin Bieber talented.
  19. Wear leather pants.
  20. Go to any country that forces women to wear a head covering.
  21. Be a judge for American Idol.
  22. Be a judge on any show Simon Cowell is on or has his hands in.
  23. Like Simon Cowell.
  24. Think Tom Cruise is sane.
  25. Carry a purse.
  26. Have a pet rat.
  27. Like football.
  28. Understand why people like The Sound of Music and The Wizard of Oz.
  29. Smoke a cigarette.
  30. Smoke a cigar.
  31. Smoke a turkey.
  32. Change my mind about Severus Snape.
  33. Believe Fred Weasley is dead.
  34. Kick ass and take names.
  35. Consider myself "plucky."
  36. Become an extrovert.
  37. Smile all the time.
  38. Mudwrestling.
  39. Join the military.
  40. Cheer for the Cardinals.
  41. Consider Coors or Bud anything but horse piss.
  42. Join a girl gang.
  43. Wear high heels.
  44. Join a convent.
  45. Finish this list... holy crap, am I done yet?  This is taking forever.  Wait, I mean Stand-up comedy.
  46. Intentionally swallow a tapeworm.
  47. Give love a bad name.
  48. Rule the world.
  49. Vogue.
  50. Stop believin'.

So-- what are fifty things that you won't do?  Or even just a few?

I don't like to be scared, so as you can imagine, I'm not a huge fan of the horror genre.

My two best friends, on the other hand, love watching horror movies and shows.  In fact, most of the people I know enjoy horror, so I get to hear what's scary as hell and what's not on a regular basis.

American Horror Story?  Never seen an episode.

The Shining?  Never read it, never watched the movie with Jack Nicholson.

Up until about six months ago, I'd never watched an episode of Supernatural.  People who know what I like to watch are always surprised to find that out, because Supernatural really is right up my alley.

It's not that I've never seen a horror movie before.  When I was sixteen, some friends and I watched Pet Sematary.  I finally got to sleep hours later after wearing myself out and convincing myself that no undead cats were going to come into my room.  Several years ago I watched The Devil's Advocate and it creeped me the hell out so badly that every time I'd think of the part where that chick's face does the weird thing, I have to get up and turn on all the lights in the house.  And yeah, I know, that wasn't really a horror movie.

I told you I'm a lightweight.

OK, so here are some things I've found scary over the years.  Feel free to laugh, I really don't mind.

1.  Buffy the Vampire Slayer, "Hush"

If I say "The Gentlemen," what do you think of?  If you're a Buffy fan, you know exactly what I'm talking about.  If not, watch this.  Or don't.

2.  Supernatural, "Pilot"

OK, according to everything I'd read, Supernatural wasn't supposed to be scary scary.  Teenagers were watching it.  It was on prime time television every week.  And since I like Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Supernatural should be something I'd enjoy.

Yeah.  After I watched the Pilot episode in Netflix, I took like a one year break from trying to watch it again.  And only after several people told me that overall, the series really wasn't as creepy as the pilot episode.  I just started watching it again a few days ago.  You can be sure I skipped the "Bloody Mary" episode.

3.  Haunted Houses run by community organizations

When I was little, my mom was in this Women's Club that did a haunted house every October at a church CE building during Halloween week.  The year that I was nine or ten, they moved the haunted house from the CE building to the old hotel across town.  This hotel hadn't been used for years, so it was the perfect place for a haunted house.

I had been through the haunted house the year before when it was in the CE building, and it wasn't too bad.  I went through the old hotel in the daylight, and it wasn't too bad.  I thought I could handle going through at night.

I tried to go through the haunted house on a Friday night.  I was OK in the first three or four rooms, which were mostly dark and had a couple of people jump out to startle our group.  Then we got to the fifth room.  Where my mom was being beheaded.  Yeah, I had to leave the group.

I don't remember a lot after that.  I think they turned the lights on and had an adult escort me back to the beginning.  Dad took me home.  I slept with the light on in my closet that night, and every time I'd try to fall asleep, I started dreaming that vampires were coming out of my closet.

No, I haven't been in a haunted house since then.

4. The Monster at the End of This Book

I'm 42.  Seeing this book cover still gives me the willies.

I can count the number I've times I tried to read The Monster at the End of This Book on one hand when I was little.  Usually I got to this page and had to stop.

Needless to say, Liam never had this book as a kid.

5.  Old dolls

You remember that old story about the china doll who comes to life in the middle of the night and kills people?

Somebody told me that story when I was six.  I had one china doll in my room at that time, and I think I hid her under the bed that night.  And then cowered with the blanket over my head all night long.

6. Weeping Angels

"Blink" is one of my favorite Doctor Who episodes, and I thought the Weeping Angels were pretty cool.  But then Amy Pond meets them in "The Time of Angels":

"are you looking at me?"

And she keeps looking.

"I said, are you looking at me?"

And looking...

And looking...

"Didn't your mum tell you not to stare?"

I love "Blink," but this scene creeps me out just enough:

7. Anything that startles me

I'm easily startled.  Usually I can end up laughing at myself about it, like the times my friend Kathleen and I would nearly walk into each other coming around the corner at the office (she's easily startled too).  We'd squeal a bit, twitch, then laugh at each other.  This happened about once a week.

Or the times when Jeff will quietly come around the corner in the house while my mind is totally focused on a task.  As soon as he says, "Steph" I practically jump and my adrenaline is rushing.

I would be worthless in a horror movie.

The absolute worst though is this video I saw online about fifteen years ago.  It's about three minutes long, and it's like a cartoon type video.  A little girl and her dog are playing and it's nice and soothing and then the end comes and all of a sudden the girl is just looking straight at the screen and screaming.  And then, unfortunately, I am too.

I hate that video.

So there you go. Some silly things that scare me because I'm a horror genre lightweight.

I will send the Weeping Angels after any of you who use this information against me.

2

If you're like me, you feel like you have to spend as much time with your family as possible when you're visiting them, they're visiting you, or you're on a family vacation.  If you're only with them for one day, then that's understandable.

But what if you're with them for at least two days?  How does an introvert work her time to unplug into family time?  Here are some of my pro tips.

  1.  When everyone else takes a nap, stay awake.  Watch some tv, read a few more chapters in the book you brought with you (because of course you brought a book with you), take a walk, stare out the window, grab a cup of coffee and drink it while doing all these things.  Drink as much coffee as you can and enjoy the silence.  Hopefully no one's snoring.
  2. When everyone else is waking up or about to, declare that you're now ready for a nap.  Go take nap.  If you're really lucky, everyone will leave the house and you'll be alone when you wake up.  If you don't want to rely on luck, tell them to go do their fun things while you're comatose.
  3. Stay up late and write blog posts after everyone has gone to sleep for the night.  Use a load of laundry as your excuse.  "Oh, I'll come to bed as soon as I throw the laundry into the dryer."
  4. Go to the store to buy snacks.  Take at least thirty minutes to walk around the store searching for chips that may or may not exist.
  5. Drive.  When you drive, you're paying attention to the road.  It's like an automatic wall.  And if anyone gets too chatty or loud, you can say, honestly, "Hey, could you please be a little quieter?  I'm trying to concentrate on the road.  Thanks!"

And now my family knows all of my secrets...

I look at a lot of different websites to find freelance writing jobs, but my go-to site is Indeed.com.  I also keep an eye on local jobs (via Indeed) just to see if there's anything interesting out there.

One job ad I've seen recently is for a sales clerk at Binny's Beverage Depot.  If you're not familiar with Binny's, it's a warehouse full of booze.  I know that because of this commercial:

 

And then there's this most recent one, which cracks me up every time I watch it:

So what I'm getting from these commercials is that Binny's employees are able to ride around the store on Segways all day long while singing drinking songs.  I've never been on a Segway before and don't know any actual drinking songs (Does "3000 bottles of beer on the wall" count as an actual drinking song?), but I'm a decent driver and can carry a tune.  It might be fun to talk to people about their favorite beers and other booze.

But this is what the conversation would look like if they asked me about my favorites:

Customer: So what's your favorite red wine?  I'm looking for a new one.

Me:  Ew. I hate red wine.  It's gross.

Customer:  I'm looking for a new beer.  What's the best one?

Me: Zima.

Customer:  Uh, didn't they quit making Zima in like 1995?  And it wasn't really a beer, was it?

Me:  :::shrugs::::  I dunno.

Customer:  I need a recommendation for vodka.  What do you like?

Me:  Oh, man, I can't drink vodka.  It raises my body temperature and I start removing  clothing.

Customer:  That's an interesting party game...

To get hired, I'd have to get through an interview first:

Interviewer:  So, at Binny's, we like to hire people that are knowledgable about our products.  We provide training, of course, but we also want people who can personally appreciate the good attributes of different kinds of beer, wine, and other liquors.  So what do you drink?

Me:  Me?  Oh, I drink a lot of water and decaf coffee.  And the occasional cup full of Bailey's.  I really like Bailey's.  And sometimes, if I'm feeling really fancy, I put a little paper umbrella in my cup of Bailey's.  Or even my cup of coffee.

Interviewer: :::gives me slight stinkeye::::

Me:  OK, you got me.  I was totally lying about the little paper umbrella.

I like to talk about it being five o'clock somewhere and getting tanked on margaritas after a long day.  The truth is that I'm not much of a drinker.  I never have been, and since I'm almost 42, I really doubt that's going to change anytime soon. I'm such a lightweight that I start feeling the alcohol after two or three sips of my margaritas, which Jeff assures me is improbable and just in my head.

The thought of working at Binny's or another liquor store makes me laugh, because I'd be the absolute worst sales clerk there.